


Somewhere Safe

by Hammocker



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Iron Man 3, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Slash, Protective Steve Rogers, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 18:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18555148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hammocker/pseuds/Hammocker
Summary: Steve had always been a light sleeper, but not once had he been woken up at the crack of dawn by Tony Stark knocking on his door.





	Somewhere Safe

**Author's Note:**

> Iron Man 3 bothers me in a variety of ways. I like it, despite everything, but I got gripes. One of the less reasonable ones is as such: where the hell is Steve to follow Tony after he gets shot off to Tennessee? But I'm not entirely sure how to fix that one at this point, so instead we'll just have Steve being there for Tony the night that Happy gets caught in an attack.

Steve had always been a light sleeper. It was a necessity, growing up where there was always the possibility of a break-in, or worse. Not like he’d ever had much that would be worth stealing. Being in the army had only reinforced his tendency to stir at any noise. Waking up in the wee hours of the morning to move on an enemy’s point wasn’t that big of a transition.

With that in mind, it wasn’t surprising that he woke easily at the sound of rapping on his door very early that Tuesday morning.

Steve rolled out of bed, ready to be asked by a neighbor to borrow detergent or flour, and made his way out into the living space and to the door. He half-expected it was the lady across from him, maybe asking for help with carrying laundry or- something. She found excuses to talk to him here and there. It was kind of nice, really, if a little intrusive when he was trying to sleep..

As he turned the knob, and pulled the door open, though, he found himself completely taken aback.

“Stark?” Steve said, mouth hanging ajar.

“Rogers,” Tony said in kind. “Guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Steve did another double take. Tony shouldn’t be surprised? What was that supposed to mean?

“I didn’t come to your house at four in the morning,” he pointed out.

“No, you didn’t.” Tony shuffled in place, evading Steve’s eyes and the subject at hand. “You look good. Bedhead, that’s a good look on you.”

Steve had no idea how to respond to that. For a long a moment, he didn’t say anything at all. Instead, he took in the sight before him. Tony was disheveled, to say the least. Maybe it was just that he’d taken a long, fast trip in the armor, but it looked more like he hadn’t slept in days. For all Steve knew, that was exactly the case. Still, he had to give Tony the benefit of the doubt. He had to make sure Tony was okay too. For responsibility, if nothing else.

“Do you- want to come in?” he offered at last.

“Sure, why not, came this far.”

On that, Steve stepped out of the way, allowing Tony to step in and start looking around.

“Nice apartment. Roomy, right in the middle of Brooklyn, that’s nice. SHIELD set you up?”

“Yeah,” he said slowly, shutting the door behind Tony. “They’ve been a real help with everything. You want some water?”

“Sure, water, sounds good.”

Tony answered so fast that he couldn’t have really heard or taken in what Steve had said. Like something else was on his mind, something far away from here.

“Are you okay, Tony?” he asked.

“Okay? Never better. I’m me, Cap, really, what do you expect?”

That was definitely a “no”.

“So why are you here?” Steve pressed.

“Well, when you let an AI decide where you’re going, you get mixed results.”

Steve blinked slowly at Tony’s hasty excuse.

“You doing some kind of experiment?”

“Sure, sure, that’s a word for it. You mind if I crash on your couch?”

Steve’s narrowed his eyes. He didn’t think Tony was drunk at all - there was no smell of alcohol on him - but something was wrong. Of course something was wrong, Tony had shown up at his home at four in the morning out of nowhere. That didn’t just happen. Steve knew what fear looked like, and Tony happened to be a spitting image just then.

“No. That’s fine,” Steve said, still holding off on speaking his mind outright. “Just didn’t think you’d want to sleep on some grunt’s couch in Brooklyn over your place out in Malibu. Or the Tower.”

“Oh, you know. Gotta switch it up sometimes or I’d get stir crazy.”

Steve wasn’t getting anywhere by being indirect, that much was obvious. As usual, he was the one who had to get to the point.

“Why are you really here?” Steve asked. “I know you’ve been getting threats.”

“No,” Tony replied, seemingly on reflex. “I mean, yes. But that has nothing to do with why I’m here.”

“So. Why are you really here?” Steve repeated.

“I just- I didn’t want to be at home, and I guess Jarvis thought this was the next best place to be.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to be at home?”

“I-” Tony hesitated, glancing off to the side. “-I didn’t feel safe.”

Finally, some kind of clarity. It was a roundabout way of telling the truth, but it fit into Tony’s persona. His facade, Steve was beginning to realize.

“I don’t blame you there,” he offered with a shrug. “Just wouldn’t think I’d be the first pick as the safest place to be, when there’s Banner, or Fury, or anyone else.”

Tony gave a hollow laugh.

“I’m not putting this on Bruce, and Fury- nope, no, that’s not a rabbit hole I want to deal with.”

It was becoming clear to Steve that this might not have been something that he was equipped to handle. Sure, he’d worked with Tony and had an idea of who he was, but he didn’t know Tony like Tony’s actual friends did. This seemed like more of a job for someone who worked with Tony 24/7.

“Does Pepper know you’re worried?” he tried.

“No.” Again, the answer was immediate, automatic, before being emphasized, “No, no! She doesn’t need that, she has enough on her mind.”

“So do you.”

Tony snorted. “No, I don’t have enough on my mind. Can’t keep my hands busy enough, can’t stay out of the workshop.” Tony reached up to rub his temples, muttering, “Can’t be in it either.”

“Tony.” Steve moved around to take Tony by his upper arms and force eye contact. “Have you slept?”

Tony shuddered, but he didn’t struggle at all, which worried Steve more than anything else. He avoided Steve’s eyes by shutting his own as he answered in a whisper, “Barely.”

Steve had heard more than enough to make a decision.

“Take the bed,” he said, letting Tony go.

“What? No, no, I can’t-”

“Yes, you can,” Steve broke in, firm and steady. “Take the bed. That’s an order.”

Tony was silent, even as his brow scrunched up like he wanted to argue. He always wanted to argue, used it as a defense mechanism even. Steve prepared himself to plant his feet and be more stubborn than Tony here, but, ultimately, it wasn’t necessary.

“Alright,” Tony said, barely even sounding alive anymore.

With that, he shuffled off towards Steve’s room, taking his water with him. Steve followed a few steps behind until he stood in the door frame, just making sure that Tony didn’t pass out and break the glass. Fortunately, Tony managed, placing the water down on the bedside table before arranging himself down on the bed in a curled position.

Steve couldn’t help but frown. He wasn’t sure why, but the way Tony had come to him and how he was now laying on Steve’s bed gave him a looming sense of loneliness. He wanted to do something about it, but didn’t want to do anything out of turn either. Tony was still a wild card, even if Steve liked to consider them friends.

Once it seemed like Tony had fallen asleep, Steve turned, stepped over to the couch, and sprawled out on it. Even as he let grogginess take him, Steve couldn’t shake a sense of unease in his stomach.

*****

Steve woke next to a door slamming shut. He tilted his head up towards the sound, blinking sleep out of his eyes. The first rays of morning light were just barely peeking through the windows, immediately letting Steve know that he hadn’t slept long. The bathroom door had been shut, light peeking through beneath it. An alarm was ringing in Steve’s head, deep and instinctive: something was very wrong.

Steve sat up, but not too quickly. He waited where he was, giving time to hear a flush, or a sink, or any indication of movement. There was nothing, not after five minutes, nor after ten. It wouldn’t have been unreasonable to think that Tony might be dead.

More concerned than ever, Steve got to his feet and stepped over to the door, giving a solid few knocks.

“Stark?” he called, doing all he could to keep his voice steady.

No answer. Not even a grumble or any indication of annoyance. Just silence and what Steve dared to think was labored breathing.

“I’m coming in,” he declared. “Please don’t be asleep on the john.”

He slowly turned the doorknob, giving Tony more than enough time to yell at Steve to go away. When he didn’t, Steve pushed his head in first, peering around the room. Sure enough, Tony was there, but the sight of him offered no relief. He was hunched down on the floor, shivering and backed up into a corner against the shower

He glanced at Steve, only for a moment, something between fear and anger in his eyes. Then he ducked his head, hiding at against his knees and under his arms.

Steve’s mouth was ajar, but he couldn’t find words. He stepped into the room, shutting the door behind himself, and padded towards Tony as slowly as he could manage. The sight of him didn’t get any better with proximity.

The only times Steve had ever seen sheer terror this bad was back during the war. Guys who couldn’t take the shooting, the death, the bodies, the ones who went home alive, but never the same. Shell shock, or whatever the doctors liked to call it now.

Thinking of it that way, it was suddenly easier to understand. Tony had been through and seen a lot, both with Steve and without him. With that in mind, Steve crouched down to join Tony on the floor.

“Tony, what’s on your mind?” Steve asked, gentle and soft as he could be. “I know it’s not just the threats.”

Tony was silent, not so much as lifting his head up to look at Steve.

“You don’t have to tell me, but I ‘would’ like to know,” Steve continued despite a lack of response, fully sitting down next to Tony. “You’re an important member of the team, and you’ve been a friend to me. I’d like to help, if I can.”

That got some response at least. Tony tilted his head, ever-so-slightly looking at Steve. Still, he was silent.

“If you need anything-”

Steve only got those words out before Tony broke in, his voice shaking.

“It’s- ever since New York, I can’t- I think about it and I can’t stop, I never stop, and I can’t sleep, and...”

Tony trailed off, curling up even further into himself.

“That’s in your head, huh?” Steve asked, under his breath.

Tony just nodded, biting his lip and making to hide his face again. It was then that Steve reached out, touching Tony’s shoulder, but only just so. Tony tensed, but didn’t protest or move to shift away.

“It’s been in my head too,” Steve kept on. “How does something like that just- happen? That kinda thing, aliens coming down from the sky, it was never really real back when I was- well, when I was what I was. Now everything’s complicated and above us all, and what can we do, really? I’m still just a scrawny kid from Brooklyn who got lucky.”

After only a bit of talking, Steve realized that he was just airing some of his own worries and stopped himself. He was supposed to be the leader, the rock, the anchor everyone could turn to for assurance, and here he was, telling Tony how uncertain he felt at times.

Yet, as he looked at Tony again, he’d raised his head a bit, listening with intent. Taking that as some kind of positive sign, Steve continued to let himself spill.

“We could have failed. You could have died.” He gritted his teeth against the thought. “God, Tony, I was terrified, you were up there and then you were laying there and I thought-”

“I kind of hoped,” Tony said, voice firmer than it had been.

Steve blinked, unsure of what Tony meant. “What?”

“I kind of hoped that I wouldn’t get up,” Tony clarified, shrugging and looking away. “That I wouldn’t come back from that wormhole.”

Steve was speechless. He’d never even considered that Tony would or could think like that.

“At least when you die redirecting a nuke, people remember you for something good.” Tony gritted his teeth, fighting back emotions. “Not just selfish, arrogant, merchant of death.”

Slowly, the pieces that Steve had gathered about Tony came together in Steve’s mind.

“Oh, Tony,” Steve said. “Oh, God, I wish I’d known.”

“No, no, you don’t,” Tony insisted, shaking his head. “No one should know, ever, what goes on in my head, I don’t want that on anyone else.”

It broke Steve’s heart, seeing him like this. Proud, intelligent, foot-sure, argumentative, everything Steve had seen in the past year, it was all stripped away. Here was Tony in his rawest form, vulnerable and still afraid to let anyone else in.

“You don’t have to do this alone, Tony,” Steve murmured, letting his hand start to massage Tony’s shoulder, just gently. “I don’t know if I’m the right person to help you at all, but, keeping all of that in, it’s not good for anyone.”

Tony glanced up at him again, in what looked like a glare. Steve frowned even deeper, but he could take a hint.

“Well…” Steve started, moving to stand back up.

Before Steve could say anything else or move to leave, Tony lunged over and put his arms around Steve’s back and one of his arms, clamping on to him. It was awkward and desperate and Steve’s heart ached seeing Tony like this.

“No,” Tony whimpered, weak and desperate.

Steve blinked at Tony, easing back down with him.

“Please,” Tony begged, gasping for breath. “I don’t- Don’t leave me.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Steve promised, putting an arm around him. “I’m here, Tony.”

Tony scrambled to find purchase for a long moment, breathing hard. Steve held fast, making himself an anchor as Tony found a more comfortable position. Hands on Tony’s back, Steve made a point of keeping up his gentle massage. It was the best he could think of to help ease this man back down from his state of panic.

Slowly but surely, Tony did begin to ease, cheek pressed against Steve’s chest. His breathing slowed to a healthy pace, his muscles relaxed, if only a little, but he stayed pinned to Steve regardless. It was odd; Steve hadn’t really noticed that Tony was practically in his lap by then, far closer than he’d ever anticipated.

Even so, if his presence was comforting to Tony, then far-be-it from him to push him away. It wasn’t bad for Steve either. Tony was warm and pleasant to have in his arms, and he only grew more so as he relaxed and began to give into exhaustion. Tony blinked slower and slower until his eyes stayed shut for minutes at a time. Steve had never noticed how long Tony’s eyelashes were.

Massaging Tony’s neck now, Steve found himself smiling. Maybe it was just out of relief, but it was nice seeing Tony calm. Really nice.

Maybe it was his own fatigue, or he was just feeling bold, but with Tony seeming to fall back asleep, he carefully arranged Tony in his arms and stood up.

Tony gave a short gasp, but remained calm and relaxed in Steve’s hold. That was enough to give Steve the confidence to head out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. By the time that he was settling down on the bed, Tony seemed well and truly ready to get some sleep.

Steve arranged them so that Tony was half on top of Steve, keeping his arms around him. He didn’t want to pull any blankets over them both, not sure if that would make things between them awkward. This was about helping Tony calm down so he could sleep, that was all.

Now and again, a shudder would pass through Tony, and, almost on reflex, Steve reached out and stroked down his back. In seconds, Tony would settle back down into an easy rest.

It wasn’t too bad, Steve mused despite himself. And Tony wasn’t bad to look at, especially not now, when his face had relaxed and his breathing evened out. It made Steve want to keep his eyes open just a little longer. Just a few minutes...

*****

It was all so quiet and soft that Steve was barely aware of slipping away until the light of a late morning shone in his eyes. Steve instinctively moved to stretch, only to find a weight stifling his movement.

The events of the early morning came back to him then. Tony at his door, Tony’s episode, comforting him, falling asleep with him. Despite everything, Steve found himself taking in an easy yawn as the room became clear around him, as well as the form next to him..

Tony appeared as relaxed as Steve felt, cheek still pressed up against Steve’s chest and jaw ajar. Steve couldn’t help a smile that crossed his face, nor his hand that wandered over to brush a stray lock of hair away from Tony’s face.

It was enough to stir him, it seemed, as Tony murmured and made to push his face further into Steve. That lasted only an instant before Tony flinched back, blinking rapidly.

“Where-” As soon as he laid eyes on Steve, Tony scrambled to push his torso up. “Was I-? Did we…?”

“Nothing happened,” Steve reassured him, following Tony’s movements as he sat himself up.

“No, something happened alright,” Tony said, relaxing a bit, but still watching Steve with intent.

Steve gazed back at Tony, silent as he watched the wheels in the man’s head turn. It was fascinating, just watching Tony think. He could probably think more in a few minutes than Steve ever had his whole life. For better or worse.

“Haven’t slept that well in months,” Tony murmured at last.

Steve frowned. Had this been going on for _that_ long? Why hadn’t Tony said anything? Why hadn’t anyone noticed?

All he could do right then, though, was reach out and put a hand on Tony’s upper arm, hoping that that would get the right message across. Tony tensed, only for him to take a breath and seemingly force himself to relax.

“Maybe- I could spend more nights here?” Tony suggested after a long pause, glancing off to the side. “If that doesn’t offend your sensibilities, Rogers.”

“That’s the last thing on my mind,” Steve said, giving a short laugh. “I’d like that. Though, it’s not exactly easy when we live on opposite ends of the country.”

“That could be changed.” Tony bit his lip before adding, “Maybe. Hopefully.”

“I’d like if the whole team could see each other more often.” He paused for a moment, before adding, “I’d like to see you more often.”

Tony hummed, that thoughtful stare coming over him once more. “Let’s work on that.”

A buzz interrupted any further conversation between them, as Tony reached down to take out his phone. In the space of a second, Tony’s face morphed into one of hopeful optimism to abject horror.

“ _Shit_ ,” Tony hissed, pushing himself to his feet. He paced from the bed to the wall and back as he explained, “It’s Happy, there was an attack, I need to get the hell back.”

Steve’s heart lurched. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. That much never seemed to change.

“You go,” Steve agreed, pushing himself up and into Tony’s path. “I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

“What?” Tony balked at him. “Steve, this isn’t your-”

“Yes, it is,” Steve insisted. “You’re part of my team and I need to make sure that you’re okay.”

Tony stood staring at him, jaw ajar and at a loss for words. It seemed he was finally catching on that Steve wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“I’ll pull some strings to get there as fast as possible,” Steve assured him. “Now go.”

One more beat, one more chance Steve thought Tony would take to argue, but then Tony’s expression softened.

“Thank you,” he said, but before Steve had a chance to say anything, Tony had already turned and was out the door.

Steve watched the door even after Tony had left. He hated to see him go, but Tony had his obligations, he knew. The best Steve could do was be there for him. He gave a sigh, then smiled and ducked his head as though to hide it from some unseen party.

He had a call to make.


End file.
